In this episode, Nick Strand (CEO/creator of Choose Your Attitude) hands the microphone over to Choose Your Attitude team member, Tara Kathleen, for a vulnerable chat about how Choose Your Attitude came to be as a company, and where it's headed in the future.
Nick talks candidly about his why behind the writing of book, Loving Someone Who is Dying, his motivation for the Choose Your Attitude apparel line, plus what's down the road!
Here's our chat.
RECORDED: Dec 18, 2019; April 9, 2020 (Audio Only)
Podcast Email: Podcast@ChooseYourAttitude.com
Podcast Website: Podcast.ChooseYourAttitude.com
Support and donate to the Show: SupportPodcast.ChooseYourAttitude.com
FOLLOW US ON:
Facebook: @ChooseAttitudeCreateLife
Instagram: @ChooseAttitudeCreateLife
In this episode, Nick Strand (CEO/creator of Choose Your Attitude) hands the microphone over to Choose Your Attitude team member, Tara Kathleen, for a vulnerable chat about how Choose Your Attitude came to be as a company, and where it's headed in the future.
Nick talks candidly about his why behind the writing of book, Loving Someone Who is Dying, his motivation for the Choose Your Attitude apparel line, plus what's down the road!
Here's our chat.
RECORDED: Dec 18, 2019; April 9, 2020 (Audio Only)
Podcast Email: Podcast@ChooseYourAttitude.com
Podcast Website: Podcast.ChooseYourAttitude.com
Support and donate to the Show: SupportPodcast.ChooseYourAttitude.com
FOLLOW US ON:
Facebook: @ChooseAttitudeCreateLife
Instagram: @ChooseAttitudeCreateLife
Nicholas Strand: 0:04
welcome to choose your attitude. Create your Life, a podcast inspired by Brianna Os Strand, a superhuman, a hero who showed the world what it's like to live life to the fullest. Diagnosed at age three, she dragged around cystic fibrosis and later of pesky superbug, not letting anything get in the way of fulfilling a life. Some could only dream of a death sentence of age 13. She packed a full life legacy than her body just couldn't keep up with. After 29 years of life in May 2017 her journey was over. But her legacy continues and is followed by many. Her widower and author of Loving Someone Who Is Dying lives off her inspiring story and hopes to help others live such a full and inspiring life. And is the energy behind this podcast in her own words. Choose your attitude, create your life. And now here's your host, Nicholas Strand. Welcome to choose your attitude. Podcasts. Dreaming that podcast. Choose your attitude dot com. Welcome, everybody. I'm excited to have Terra, who's actually my publicist for Choose your Attitude and, ah, I'm actually gonna hand it over to her and she's gonna ask me questions. And, um, kind of switched the tables a bit so we can learn more about the book. Um, she's your attitude and everything else we haven't started. Thanks for being here, toe.
Tara V: 1:33
Yeah. Hey, Nick, Thanks for having me on your show. And I'm happy to kind of flipped the script on you and kind of ask you all the questions that people are probably wondering. I guess we can start at the beginning if you're okay with that. Because congratulations. You just published your first book.
Nicholas Strand: 1:49
Oh, my gosh. Right. Um, would a thought that I would be an author? Um, it's kind of crazy, cause I I wasn't able to make it into com school completely because I wasn't able. Thio write a paper properly. Um, funny thing. Graduating university, my writing portfolio. I struggled through. And now I have a book. So hopefully it doesn't show through.
Tara V: 2:19
Yeah, there anything. That's what we have editors
Nicholas Strand: 2:21
for. That's
Tara V: 2:24
what it comes down to is you had a story of talent. You say this is your first book? You didn't know you were going to write a book. That's not what you normally do. What do you normally do? What's your day to day like?
Nicholas Strand: 2:35
So I am a touring roadie. Ah, I've always wanted to be Ah, in the music industry. I love music. Um, my dad is an electrician's. When I couldn't figure out how to be a musician because I was too antsy and wanted to just, you know, I wanted to perform or at least play music. Um, but I couldn't. And so, figuring out how my dad was able to, you know, be an electrician's and then finding out that I could combine the two actually was a lot funnier to be behind the scenes. And so, basically, what I do is, um, I am a Turin roadie and I travel with all kinds of bands, and my job is helping design and put together on a daily basis the video screens so that the nosebleeds can kind of see it originated it for the nosebleeds. That kind of see the artist. But it's kind of morphed into, um, more of a visual piece now. So, um yeah, so that's basically what I do
Tara V: 3:37
that's cool on your ableto incorporate your love of music. And as somebody who's fat nose bleed, plenty of times we appreciate the feeling like we're in the front rows. I would think you of all of us up there in the nosebleeds. So you are a touring roadie turned author? Because regardless of how you felt with your communications classes in college, you had a story to tell and you had one that was very profound. Um, that you felt would impact that already impacted a lot of people, but can impact even Maur if you're able to get it in their hands.
Nicholas Strand: 4:11
Yeah, I as as a lot of people know or don't know, um, I lost my wife ah, to cystic fibrosis. May 2017th. And it was our life was beautiful. Um, and everybody around her and us saw her story as we developed. And when she passed, it was kind of one of those things that I knew that I wanted to do. Um, but in the struggle, as one could imagine, it was difficult. Um, And so as I tried to clunker and tried to figure how to lift myself up, it was it was all some time that it was like it's either now or never, And I need to write this thing. And, um, you know, it's kind of been a way of coping in a way of building myself up and hopes of building others up becoming this infectious cycle where me helping others has actually been the actual direct connection of helping myself in my own. Ah, hurt or I don't want to call it hurt because that's a negative word. Um, I feel like, ah, you know, it's like tripping and falling. It may hurt, but at the same time, you you want to get back up and keep moving because it's it's not necessarily negative. It's just, um, you know, a difficult time in life because of I guess you know, the confusion or complication to something that's not so comfortable anymore. Um, what? What
Tara V: 5:47
do you think is not so comfortable hurt?
Nicholas Strand: 5:49
Uh, I guess. Ah, the normal day to day. So you know when you you fall in love with somebody and you have them every single day of your life and you basically mold your life around that, um, it becomes to be normal. It becomes to be natural. Um, the little things that we do for each other, the little things that we lean on each other for, um the things that we give up or the things that we ah, refocus our puzzle pieces. Um, together when Nelson the other piece disappears. It's an entirely different form of life. Um, and it's different for everybody. Brianna, you know, is is for me was my best friend. Um, also my wife, But for others, she was a sister. Ah, daughter, a friend. Um, for me, it was Ah, you know, she was my life. She was Ah, you know, my main focus. And so you know that that's, I guess, the uncomfortable or the norm or the that part. That's kind of weird is trying to figure out or remember howto live alone how to be yourself how to, you know, re start the car if you will. Um And so that's kind of what a lot of this journey has kind of allowed me to do is, you know, instead of, uh, sit there and sadness for her absence, remember the positives and the greatness of what it's provided me for or what it's provided to me in life and build off that as she would want me to, um and Yeah. So, you know, my goal is to keep living just because she's gone. I don't want to stop living, but at the same time, you know, I don't plan to ever forget what she's provided in my life, Um, and everybody else's life. And so that's kind of where the book is is like being able to take that journey, share it with everybody and almost use it as, like, a staple or a ah foundation for me to walk on. Um, right. You know, the isis then using that as a foundation, even though she's no longer here in person. Um, you know, I now have this book as a way to, you know, I have something to walk on.
Tara V: 8:15
Yeah, and memories conveyed sometimes. So it's good that you're able to put pen to paper so you can recall some of those little things because time goes on and, you know, memories kind of fade a little bit, but you were able to preserve that, and you actually had kind of a unique situation. I think nobody really goes into a relationship with, you know, knowing it's going toe end. Um, so that was something I mean, you fall in love, you can't help who you fall in love with. And Briana, um and I've read the book. Um, and I didn't have the pleasure
Nicholas Strand: 8:43
of knowing
Tara V: 8:43
Brianna, Brianna, but, um, it's I wish I had known her, but, I mean, you could just tell through your words how much you loved her before she even knew you. Just you couldn't even explain it to yourself. But you felt those feelings. So this is a true life love story. I mean, how you guys built this life together and, you know, it's it's the title of the book is called Loving Someone Who Is Dying. And so tell me about the title of the book because it pulls it several emotions when you read the title. Of course, it's next to this beautiful picture, which we've talked about before, but, you know, it's like loving someone who's dying. That's the uniqueness of your relationship. Can you talk about that a little bit?
Nicholas Strand: 9:25
Yeah. Um I mean, that that was the struggle. That was kind of Ah, as a person who always plans life, I'm always looking ahead, trying to figure out what's gonna come next. Um, that was kind of the battle is I? I was always in my head, stressing for heard it last another day or her to preserve her time. Because here's there's since I knew her knowing that she had cystic fibrosis and that eventually she was going to pass sooner than other people. It was this constant battle to try to preserve her or make life better. But at the same time, outside of that as the heart as the soul is the, um, child, our relationship was there was more to that. We were living in this in the struggle, Um and so that's kind of where that all came is literally I was, you know, loving someone who is dying. Yet she was living and, as her quote would say is choose your attitude, create your life and that's what she did. Um, there's many times I called him pillow talks where we'd sit at her bedside and talk about things, and I remember I would be stressed out about life, but she'd be so calm and collected about death. Should be, you know, she embraced it. She knew the reality, and it never seemed to scare her or fear she never seemed to have a fear of it. And it was one of those things that sometimes, uh, complicated my thinking because, um, you know, I would see it as something negative of like, No, I do see these numbers going down. I want to tell her that, but in my mind, I'd be conflicted and stressed, Um and I'm no time. She could kind of sense that, but I would do everything I can to kind of, you know, go buy her mentality. One of the biggest lessons and tests with that is when I lost my mom. And so going through that struggle, um, and watching Brianna just basically stand on top of a mountain as everybody around him struggling up, you know, saying I can't I can't. And she's going, Yeah, you can. And yeah, it's kind of one of those emotions, I guess, is like, you know, we we live in this world where some of the words that were told when we're born ah, by our moms by the people around us, without even realizing it are learned that these emotions are these words trigger specific emotions. However, it's sometimes difficult to be aware of this process. And so, for instance, like words like dying or death, everybody kind of has his negative connotation when it's not so negative. Um and so it's just something that you know, For some reason, we don't talk about a lot, and so that's kind of where that came from. And the hope is like, you know, the whole idea. Don't judge a book by its cover. Well, that's kind of the idea to Is that? I hope that, um, you know, when you read it, you kind of get the best of both worlds off. You know, the the sadness of loving someone who's dying, but then at the same time, walk away. Um, you know, on top of the world of, you know, choosing your attitude, create your life. And so that's kind of the idea of trying to talk about a negative or a a culturally difficult elephant in the room with a positive, uh, lease on life, I guess
Tara V: 13:14
absolutely. And I mean, I think that comes across in the book as well. And that's I mean, it's beautiful that you two found each other and how lovely for somebody who is dying to be loved. And for her to feel that for you to feel that could you easily, easily could have been like, You know what? I don't wanna be a part of this really like this person and then walked away and had a completely different life. But that was not meant to be fell in love. And she taught you so much. And it's like it's it's almost superhuman, It sounds like, and how she was able to have a positive attitude and to kind of fight through that stuff. Do you feel that way
Nicholas Strand: 13:46
for sure? I mean, she a lot of lessons we learn in life. Like I guess what I'm learning is, you know, I knew she was beautiful. I knew she was an amazing um I mean, that's how I fell in love with their She had this glow. Everybody loved to be around her. Um, everybody loved to be comfortable around her. She made you feel that way just by being present. And she had very little She put ah huge effort to be friendly. But the effort really did not have to be there because it just was so natural. Um, and, um, I guess it was one of those things that you know in my life. I've kind of, uh, you know, always just gone in for it, um, and and not let some of the things that most people would be scared of. And I guess it's almost the same relationship with the, you know, our cultural standing of like, you know, these words seem to be negative, except they don't have to be, And it's only because it's this elephant. And I guess it was the same way I approached the relationship is that, you know, her beauty and her heart was so beautiful that that outweighed, you know, the idea Now, at the same time, I was a kid, so I was like, you know, if if you were the process and forward, think you know, I don't know if I would have understood how difficult life would be as of now, Um, but at the time, and even now, you know, I don't regret any of it. It's one of those things of like, um she was she was the one. There was just There is no way around it. Yeah,
Tara V: 15:24
no doubt about it. Yeah. I mean, that's kind of one of the things people always ask. Like, Do you have any regrets, or are there things you wish you could go back and do again now that she's gone? So maybe not regret that. Are there some things you wish you could have done differently? Is there anything you wish you would have said? Or do you feel like because you knew you guys were able to live your lives together Fully.
Nicholas Strand: 15:46
I I think one of the biggest things that ah allowed. So first off, the answer that question is I would say, No, I don't I don't regret, um, at all. Um Why? Because of our communication. Um, and we talked about everything, and that was early in our relationship, a pact that we made that you know, we would be honest about everything. We would talk about everything. And, um, it was difficult because there's things that, um being a CF patient prior to me, meeting her, she was born with it, So that's a baby she was born with. And that was her baby. So stepping into that was difficult in itself, but then taking that and trying to not get in the middle of the relationship, but at the same time become a part of the relationship. Um, I think that's what made it successful. Um, in allowed us tow have such a great relationship. Um, is, you know, I didn't want to get the middle of it. I wanted to help her independence. And I always, instead of, you know, uh, thinking harshly if she didn't take a marriage or anything like that, I I did what I could to help, uh uh, help her innovate to make it easier for her. Um And so all that, together with the communication, talking about death, Um, you know, we got a lot of that out of the way early s o that way. You know, when this happened, it wasn't like an accident in the fact of panicking, it was more of Oh, we've talked about this. We've ran through this. Um, I guess the thing that comes to mind would be like a SWAT team or the army or the navy seals. You know, when they go to do a mission, Um, it's not like they just show up, knock on the door and go through it. They they look at what they're walking into. They look at all that and same with the relationship in this type of senses, being able to go through that planning and it all talking through it helped make the actual experience is more comfortable and allowed us to actually enjoy the moments that everybody dreads, as opposed to fear them and shut down. Yeah, it was It was one of those things were like Brianna. I mean, of course, I did not want her to pass away. Nobody wanted to her to pass away. But we are all humans, and we all have a life, you know, ending. Um and so, you know, there's things as humans in this humongous ant hill that we're all climbing, you know, we can't stop, um, so eventually we're gonna die. And so because of that, it was just one of those things that we talked through it that when it came, it was you know, we had already accepted it. We had already talk through it. We had already figured out our plans. We've We were so open with our communication, our emotions were shared. So, you know, there wasn't really anything. Um I guess the only thing I could I could say that I would regret is that I didn't, you know, uh, risk more, um, meaning, you know, spend more money. Ah, and go do more trips and and, you know, some areas where maybe was frugal Do that. But I can't say I regret that because that's, you know, part of life to trying to, uh, not only enjoy life, but also survive.
Tara V: 19:16
Yeah, that makes sense. And so and I guess so. I guess you guys were prepared and you felt like you knew what was coming, and there were no surprises. So you were truly able to be in the moment. And I think we all look back in which we could do more sometimes. Um, but, you know, it is what it is at this point. But what stands out to me as well as the how her legacy is to choose your attitude and create your life, do you remember the moment or like how did that quote Where did she come
Nicholas Strand: 19:43
up with
Tara V: 19:43
that? Where were you? How did you guys discuss that? And that became essentially your mantra.
Nicholas Strand: 19:48
Pillow talks were a lot, so we talked a lot Um, and on the road, that was one thing that I think helped. Our communication is when you're in person, you have the added benefit of emotions. You have eye contact. You have. You have their facial expressions. That in itself is a language. And when you strip that away, you then have to communicate more on use your words. And I have friends of a very close friend. That's basically my brother. Um, he's deaf. And so I know sign language and in sign language. That's one of the things this using one signed by the way you use your facial expression can change the meaning of that word. So by using by using the communication while on the road, we had to speak to each other, we had to share our feelings. We had to describe what we couldn't see so as we would do all these talks and such, Um, and in the fellow talks, the idea of death was brought up a lot. And so, as Brianna in her own, uh, you know, thinking in her own processing of life, um, she could see the incoming and being a person, you know, pressed against the odds um, constantly going in the doctor's office. She never wanted to be a number. She never wanted to be. Okay, just another CF patient. She wanted to basically stand out. Not in an egotistical way, but just in a, uh, philosophical way, I guess. And the fact that she wanted to have something to remember her by, um, and kind of be a staple instead of just a memory. And so I remember her kind of, you know, talking about this. And, um, she was like, Well, you know, when one of those things would be a quote and, you know, I love my quotes. She had tons of them on a refrigerator. Um, and, ah, quotes were all over, and they were kind of a form of her to kind of lift herself up. And so, since they were ah ah, form to lift her up. She wanted to create something that people could remember to lift others up. O r. You know, help her niece or help people that maybe don't get a meet her, but are a part of her, um, be able to remember her by or Ah, for instance, like families and friends that knew her that no longer because she passed, um, as a way to be lifted by her. Still was this quote she gratitude. Create your life and, ah, she basically created that in a in a form of just kind of wantinto basically signer legacy down and ah, that's where that came about.
Tara V: 22:50
Yeah, and that's I mean, it's it's funny. Now, after reading a book and getting to know you and, you know, choose your attitude, Um, how many moments where it Sometimes it's like I even sit back, take a deep breath and go okay to use your attitude in the situations where you can either be negative about something in a situation to be positive or you can look through it. So I've already used that. So in a way, I mean, you're right, it kind of sticks with you. And she was. It's almost like she's able to see things above, like, a higher level of stuff and how they would impact people. So I love that you're sharing that with everybody. So I mean, if she was to read this book and that your interpretation of your love story and her story and just what she hurt impact. Um, what do you think she would say? How do you think she would feel about you know her story?
Nicholas Strand: 23:34
I think first you would be like you're sharing with the public. All this stuff? No. Uh, she she she was one of those that she never wanted to be looked at as a hero. She never wanted to be held up high. She was one of those which made her even more powerful of a leader as she wanted to be. The person the fly on the wall, But the one that everybody looked up to, Um And she did it by, you know, by who she waas and because she just was who she was. Um, that light was natural. It was her. And because of that, so many people followed. And so I guess what I'm saying by that is she wouldn't want people to see this, as you know, like, um, like an award or an honor. If yeah, um, but she would want it as a way to say, Here's the path that I'm leading. And this is how my life was so beautiful as everybody's trying thio kind of go through their own struggles. We all have our own struggles. They're all different levels. But we're all focused on that struggle. And, um, it's super easy to say Cheese your attitude, create your life. I have it tattooed on my arm. Uh huh. It is a simple as that and working through that and becoming aware of that. Um and I think I think she would actually be proud. She'd be proud of the things that she's done proud at the fact that you know, just that in that legacy that she wanted to create, um, and to have people lead by her. But not, um, I can't I can't think of the word, but, you know, she definitely is a hero, But she didn't want to be kind of held up as this kind of ah, glorified leader, if that makes sense, Um,
Tara V: 25:32
yeah, and that's kind of what a leader is. And what a hero is somebody who's humble, but it's comfortable in their own skin and is able to lead by example. And I mean, like, you're saying she was just being her, but she just happened tohave that that it factor that people want to know, like how Can I be like this? How can I change, you know, change my life or choose my attitude Or, you know, when we're going through our own struggles, whether they're small or they're large, you know, that's kind of the impression, like, Yeah, she's it's often the people who truly are heroes are the ones who don't who are like,
Nicholas Strand: 26:06
Oh, I
Tara V: 26:06
don't want that I'm not that, you know. And so that just shows their humbleness why they really are elevated. So that through our eyes, um, So you think she would like the book even though, you know, really, why are you putting this out there into
Nicholas Strand: 26:18
the world, which is
Tara V: 26:19
such a
Nicholas Strand: 26:19
beautiful
Tara V: 26:19
story, but like, how did you even choose where to start?
Nicholas Strand: 26:22
Well, I mean, first off, kind of leading back to this story out there. She was a huge advocate for cystic fibrosis with her walkathon that our family, but on from the beginning ah, doing research product, not research projects. But being in research experiments with med medication and such that the foundation is doing since the disease theoretically is is still pretty new. Um, since as will be discovered and, uh, 1989 exactly when they started. Um ah. Finally pinpointing the cause. So she was an advocate for those that, you know, had the same disease. But we're kind of lost, you know, in their hospital room and their sadness. Um, she wanted to kind of She knew that she had that comfortable ity to be able to stand in front of a crowd. And, you know, uh, remind everybody that life is short and that, um, you know, we can live, you know, still a great life, even though, you know, you're, uh, in a sense, you know, sentenced with this disease, um, or anything compared a ble.
Tara V: 27:35
I mean, it makes sense for her, you know, to get up on the stand there and speak. And for people who couldn't speak or the people who were in their beds or maybe didn't have the support that she had. So, yeah, I think I see where you're going with that, you know, without story. Like, how did you know where to start writing?
Nicholas Strand: 27:53
So that I mean, to be honest, the writing kind of came pretty simple. Um, I I basically was, you know, telling the story, sharing the feelings, sharing my emotions. And in a sense, I was able to take the whole entire relationship and work through my feelings. And, um, it was almost therapeutical. And it is their political continually as I go through this process. Um, but I basically started from the beginning, um, and kind of walking through it and and remembering all the different things that you know kind of occurred.
Tara V: 28:40
Yeah. So sometimes I think when we lose somebody or, you know, we go through difficult things, we compartmentalize it, and we think I don't wanna think about this. Now I have to go to work. I can't be sad. I can't be distracted. So you re lived a lot of that with a lot of so positive. But there were some hard part. You had to kind of put that put down on paper. So what, you know, to you was the hardest part to go back and kind of relive in a way without giving too much away.
Nicholas Strand: 29:07
You know, I think this connects back to your question about regret. Um, I was comfortable with the entire experience, and as I say that it makes me feel uncomfortable and the reason why I say that. Yeah. The reason why I say that it is kind of like the book, you know, loving someone who's dying. You pick it up and you're like this heavy book. But, you know, it's it's the same idea is it was so beautiful and our communication was so great. And it was so comfortable that there really was not a moment where it was rushed, where it was wrong, where it was something missed. Everything was filled in. All the puzzle pieces were there. And I think maybe that's one thing we really tried to do is because of our communication and because of our her drive to live life to the fullest. We did exactly that that, you know, every puzzle piece was being put down. We're addressing every elephant in the room. We would if one we couldn't solve, we would continually come back to it. Not argumentative way, but kind of in a report status way where we both kind of re addressed the feelings of like, Okay, how we doing with this? Oh, this work This didn't because in the end, it not only is negative, good, but it's good to talk about the pot of this work of that worked. Oh, no. I really like it when you do this. Um and so I think that's where where that emotional eyes is. It was so comfortable that it almost is uncomfortable, because at times, it's almost like, you know, with successor, um, like a baseball game, er or a sport or what? Whatever it is you're trying to conquer, when you first walk up to the mountain, it's gonna be uncomfortable. Um, but going through it over and over, you're able to become comfortable with it. And so I guess that's that's what I keep reminding myself. Now, there's many times just because I'm saying that I'm, you know, cheery. And I'm acting all positive. There's many times where, you know, I'm still working through a lot of stuff. I mean, last night was a tough night for me. Um, you know, I still have those days, but it's all this gear set of. Okay, I feel this way. I'm sad. What has worked before to get me out of that? Oh, this has okay, or vice versa. What puts me in these emotions? This does okay, but at the same time addressing those emotions and working through them. In effect of you don't want to hide that emotion, uh, from something like Brianna or my mom, because they are a part of you and so racing, that is my hope that, you know, uh, you can move through it.
Tara V: 32:11
Yeah, and it's a part of being really and part of being human, like if you didn't feel those emotions, you know, but addressing me uncomfortable. What did I say? Like, get comfortable with being uncomfortable. You go on and almost wouldn't have been fair if you didn't have some of that real nous too. And even now you have to be fair to yourself with, you know, still like accepting the emotion. Or, you know, if last night was hard and then pulling yourself out of it and then moving forward because obviously, you know, that's what she would want for you and what your mother would want for you. I mean, And when I first talked to you, you said you lost the two most important women in your life in a very
Nicholas Strand: 32:46
short
Tara V: 32:46
time fan. So that had to have an impact on, you know, it's been a couple years since you lost your mom and not long after you lost Brianna. So that's kind of Ah, not a lot of people have walked in your shoes. Um,
Nicholas Strand: 33:00
you
Tara V: 33:01
know, in that regard. So, um, you know, I appreciate your talking about that kind of telling us how you're able to kind of cope with that because obviously there was some stuff that made you smile when you were writing. There's a lot to smile about you guys, That's amazing things. And I'm sure there's some stuff you weren't even able to put in because you're just like all I forgot. Just thin are about this moment or when she said this. And, um, I know some of that was personal for you, but I mean, you have a favorite part of your life together or something that just absolutely bring you joy.
Nicholas Strand: 33:33
Honestly, Ah, this is probably the most cliche thing, but just being together, that was the most beautiful things that we did. And it's actually kind of breaking me up a little bit. Is you know, I don't know how. How is it the whole idea of like when you meet somebody and you know that they are them, you know? And that happened with Brianna. And that was one of the things that I loved about her is we could literally just be sitting on the couch together or we could be going to do something together. But it was never one of those things, like, Okay, I need space. We just wanted to be together and by being together, made us happy. And I will have to say there was a there was Ah, I can't remember exactly when it happened, But my brother actually pointed it out one time when you know we weren't together and which is really random or odd, because when I was home, we were always together. Um, we never left each other's side. Um, and I think she came into the hospital and I had to fly in kind of unexpectedly. So my brother had, um drove me there to the hospital, and he had pointed out how he noticed a complete change in both of our emotions, or are our way of feeling of, you know, from this kind of uncomfortableness of just being around each other. But that was to be honest, that was the most amazing memory was just it literally felt Ah, yeah, there's just it. Maybe it's crazy, but for sure it was just being with her.
Tara V: 35:24
Yeah, only completed each other. So I'm just being in your presence and taking on the amazing adventures you have together, too, being at home and talking so and that. I mean, I worked at it, too, because being on the road, you are traveling a lot. But I mean, that's any relationship, whether it's with your friends, your family or your significant other communication is key. And you guys figured out our bat out early, like you said, the nonverbal, uh, when you're, you know, together. But then
Nicholas Strand: 35:52
when you're
Tara V: 35:52
on the phone together and face time and all the amazing technology we have, it's like communication. But then you guys, I didn't need to say anything. You could just be in your presence and, you know, that's kind of I don't know. You want to explain it. There could be other worldly or
Nicholas Strand: 36:05
business
Tara V: 36:06
or whatever you want to call
Nicholas Strand: 36:08
it. But it's like, you
Tara V: 36:09
know, you were drawn together. So that is, you know, I mean it get choked up about it. I mean, that is very powerful. So how lucky for youto have experienced that.
Nicholas Strand: 36:18
Thank you. Yes, Um, I think some of it helped load to is, you know, our A relationship did start kind of long distance. Um, but at the same time, you know, we did spend a lot of time together, but I will go back that, you know, Yeah, it is the communication. And I think one of the things is, you know, once again, kind of that cliche is I feel like we really complemented each other. Um, you know, she was a person that wanted to stand out and, um, help cystic fibrosis. And she embraced cystic fibrosis. Her attitude was high, and naturally, my attitude is high. And being in the production side, it was kind of this, in a sense, people of I have, ERM call it a dream team where, you know, I really like we were a dream team. Um, and I It's also complicated things for trying to move on. Um, and when I say, move on. Not in a sense of forgetting the past, because you're never going to forget the past. It's a wound that never heals, but moving on in the fact of trying to find somebody to help, not replace her shoes because their shoes, they're never gonna be replaced. But find somebody for now to keep me comfortable in my current status. Um, so it's been difficult because, you know, you find somebody so amazing, so beautiful, and then all of the sun you're forced with kind of going back at it. And it's hard to find somebody that they can take up the idea of a ah, you know, a widower, Um uh, at the same time, Um, somebody who's, you know, embracing this person. Because, in a sense, much like Brianna and me taking on her CF, whoever I'm gonna meet will be taking on me and Brianna because I'm not gonna forget them. I mean, they're tattooed on my arms. Um, so you know it. That's been a struggle as well. So
Tara V: 38:32
yeah, I mean, I think I didn't even think about that, actually, just about I mean, it's all be obviously always a part of you, but you know, somebody finding somebody who accepts it, um, and embraces it and welcome that. Almost so you mean that sounds like a new challenge. And you had to do that after she passed and you moved and you packed up and, you know, you were like, Okay, I have to start. And you didn't I don't want you started new, but
Nicholas Strand: 38:57
you
Tara V: 38:57
had to keep moving forward.
Nicholas Strand: 39:01
Um, like, what? Moving forward and and try to become familiar with my new self. Um, And it wasn't a thing of new self in the fact of, um, you know Okay, I'm gonna forget everything. It was more of the new self of. Okay, well, you know, the existence of her reality of now is no longer so using what the past had given me and building off of that. Um, at first I was looking at Okay, well, I need you know that now, that person in my life now, um, but really, what it was was I needed to embrace my past. And that's what has made me happier than, um, you know, having the, um, the short term fix. The long term fix is, you know, embracing the reality, embracing that, yes, she has passed. But living off of the beautiful life or the last 11 years that she gave me, um, as opposed to pushing that aside and using a short term fix, um, of somebody now to kind of help me feel comfortable. Um And I think that's one thing that makes some of this stuff difficult is we do that naturally of we focus on now, how do I feel now? How do I feel? And we don't really look at some of the deeper stuff that's more long term. That actually will benefit Maur of the now than the artificial. If that makes sense, Um,
Tara V: 40:44
can you give us an example?
Nicholas Strand: 40:46
So for exit So, for example, like, you know, I can have somebody become in my life that will help me feel more comfortable but still is gonna make me feel more comfortable with the elephant under the bed. However, if I work on the elephant under the bed, that weight is no longer there. And I myself am a better person because I can embrace that elephant and so, e. I guess it's like a to do list here. I'm gonna put the elephant in a box. I'm gonna get back to that later. Well, that just adds up because it's there's never a perfect time to address that box. So it's best to get to it now. And so that's I guess what I'm saying is, the more it goes away, I feel like the worst is gonna be or it's just never going to be opened up. So it's always gonna be there. So short term would be, Yeah, they help. All they're doing short term eyes is helping you be comfortable with that thing under the bed. As supportive as opposed to you grabbing it, open it up and then all of a son, you know, you're you're embracing it. And it's not a, um ah heavyweight anymore. It's more of a ah, in lighting light. Um and really? That's kind of how this whole book has come about where you know, when she passed, it was this dark thing that just weighed me down. Depression. Um, you know, not being able to get off my couch because I just was not inspired. And then it flipped completely to I don't care what people think. This is my life. This is exactly my past. I'm happy for everything, and I'm gonna be embrace that, and I think that's what I mean. is that by living off the happiness of the past that you've had no matter positive or negative and ah, you know, using it as a almost like a science project to move on in a positive light or at least try to figure out that positive light. Um, but yeah,
Tara V: 43:02
yeah, because it's not a movie. It doesn't just end and go dark like you have to move forward. And you have. I mean, it's like What next? What did you and Briana talk about for when she did pass it? What? What did she want for your future? Did you guys talk about that?
Nicholas Strand: 43:16
Well, she wanted to play Romeo and Juliet, and when she passed, she was like, I'm Juliet. So, like the movie, It's your turn to come get me. No, no happened. But, um well, she it was a joke that she had made, but, you know, it's she wanted me to keep living to keep, you know, exactly like she said is choose your attitude. No, She wanted me to, uh, keep being the person that she fell in love with. Um you know, the happy go lucky Nick, the driven new material that's what she wanted. And, um, yeah, so that's what I'm trying to do is, um, you know, just try not to change who I was when we were together or the person before, Um, and just still live the happy me. Um, And as I say that, you know, it's not the easiest thing in the world it is now. But it's it is something that I constantly remind myself that, you know, she wants you to be happy. She wants you to live and drive. That's why she fell in love with you. So don't change that because she's gone. In fact, embrace everything that you know. Being together has so basically make make our life that was together positive, as opposed to now a negative, if that makes sense
Tara V: 44:47
or an empty space. Yeah, I love what you said about saying she wanted you to be the person that she fell in love with because that the person she chose to be with that she would want you to be that way. And she wouldn't want you to be, you know, depressed. You're negative or, you know, just be a completely different person. Should be like That's not you. And she probably knew better than anybody else. So we also have I mean, she also had
Nicholas Strand: 45:11
an incredible support system with her
Tara V: 45:12
friends. I would take her. I'm an animal lover. Her animals were supportive. Um, the pets on the farm you guys have, And then, of course, um, the ones there were from with her from the beginning with her family. So can you talk about that a little bit about the support system and kind of, you know, how she was able to help her family as well, or how they were able to help her.
Nicholas Strand: 45:36
Yeah. Um, first off, I mean, it kind of started early. Um, you know, her family was, you know, there was three of them. She had a brother and a sister, and then her mom and dad, and she got diagnosed, and right when she got diagnosed, the family kind of had to figure out a way to Ah, you know, carry on. Um and, um, they kind of chose to keep moving forward, as opposed to just sit there. And, um, you know, let time pass by and, um as that continued, uh, when Brianna started to grow up she She had a huge love for animals. Um, and I think it was one of those things that I kind of like. Ah, that comfort feel is animals. You don't have to speak to animals. You just Their presence is known, um, and so kind in the same ways that she just loved the presence of people. She loved the presence of animals, and they kind of helped her through life. Um, and at times she actually said that she loved animals more than humans because it was just this, you know, constant companionship. Um, you know, one of the hugest relationships that I got to witness was with her in her dog, Um, our dog. But it was definitely her guardian Angel Bentley. And yeah, they were. They were best friends. I've never seen two people so badly connected. And the fact that, you know, bree would not even realized he was about to shed a tear. And Bentley would already know and and kind of put her put his nose to her chin and lift her up. Or, you know, they just they were inseparable. And, um, I think that bond kind of was one of the strengths that, you know, even behind closed doors. I know there's things that you know, even though we talked about everything, you know, there's some things that, you know, you even have a hard time as a human talking about with yourself. Um, but I think with animals allowed her to communicate that in their own special way. Um, you know, I'm not saying that she was crazy or anything, but I'm just saying that, like, you know, sometimes you know, there's that extra added of support of not being judged, Um, and to be able to share everything in it, not changing that, you know, helped. And, um and I like what? That comfort of just loving to be around each other. You know, she kind of the same thing with animals. They kind of help supported her. And, you know, it gave her with her horse and even the dog it gave her purpose. Um, part of raising these animals is taking care of them. Um, and, you know, she demanded to have that independence to do it, and it helped her, Um, you know, walking out every morning and night exercise. Um, you know, doing the hay and such herself. Um, you know, she wanted to do it, and it gave her purpose outside of the struggle. Um, so, you know, I think that some of it too, is it it gave her you no reason to live. It gave her, um, you know, um, yeah,
Tara V: 49:10
Yeah, like responsibilities. So instead of like, wallowing in it, I mean, she had to go out. And horses are a lot of work dogs. There are a lot of work, You know, You guys had a farm e, and that'll takes work. And if you keep, you know what they say. A body at rest tends to stay at rest your body in motion to stay in motion. And when you've got dogs and horses and everything kind of knicker and at you asking for food, you really don't have a place, you get out there And you thought You mean you're going to get that vibe from,
Nicholas Strand: 49:36
You know,
Tara V: 49:36
the reading, the story of just how close she was with her pets. And I can relate to that. And I know a lot of people can. It's just that sort of comfort. Um, it's just that again is also powerful, though that was the support system. So in addition to the book, you've been working on some other Project X, but you have your hands in a lot of different projects. But this is the compliments on kind of continue the legacy of Briana with loving someone who's dying. So can you talk about some of those other projects you've been working on?
Nicholas Strand: 50:04
Yeah, I know for sure. So, Bree, as, ah main quote Ah, and legacy was the choose your attitude create your life, and, uh, we kind of built. Um, the book came first, but as the book was being created, um, and written the movement and the energy Ah ah. I got a lot stronger and thicker and ideas flowed. And so, in writing it, um ah, I also about midway through started quotes on her fridge, which is an illustration that Pat Bradley, who did Chicken pig with Dave Matthews Band He actually illustrated that book which talks about Brianna, um, her love for quotes and how she used positive quotes to help her ah, throughout life on and inspire her, and she put them on her fridge. And part of that was inspiring for people around her as well. And so that book covers that. And, um And then, in addition, we've created Ah, some apparel. Ah, to help with the choose your attitude. Um, kind of created this. Ah, hash. Take C Y a where? Share it so people could kind of bring that message home. Um and ah, we hope to have a lot more things I know we're working on. Ah, notebook cover. Um, uh, to kind of help with that, choose your attitude, but choose your attitude kind of is became this compass of all around. Um, all those things of the book loving someone who's dying choose you have to create your life. Subtitle Two quotes on a fridge The illustration Ah, and then as well as the apparel line and some other things as we keep moving forward. Um, in addition, Thio doing speaking and ah, the podcast. Um and so the goal is is just basically building off of her brand and her legacy and help sharing with people. Kind of that. That simple message she had of choose you added to create your life And, um, you know, being able to help ah supply everybody with more information and more. Ah, tangible items to help share that message. Um, so
Tara V: 52:20
yeah. Quotes air so impactful. And I know you talked about how many's she's she left around your house and kind of the ones that stuck with you. I mean enough how you came up with choose your attitude, create your life, right?
Nicholas Strand: 52:32
Yes, for sure. It was her own quote, and she actually wrote it down. And, um, we actually have that. And it's actually pretty exciting. The quote inside the book. There's about 30 of them of the sheet. She basically created a notebook where she logged all her favorite quotes. Um, and so there's about 30 of them in this book. Um, and ah, it's actually in her handwriting. All the quotes are actually in her handwriting. Um and, um so, yeah, you were actually taken the journey of Brianna and her love for quotes to that max of those you know, sharing about 30 of those quotes. In addition, and at the end of the book is a called the action where it's, ah, you know, got some some of her favorite shapes and such that she put the quotes in and allows you as the book reader toe. Ah, you know, kind of apply that to yourself. And, um, yeah, we hope to, you know, kind of last the legacy. And, um, you know, hopefully allow people to bring it home. And, um, the goal is to create all these aspects that, um, you know, help ah encompass all the areas of thought and creativity around that, you know, choose Jared to create your life.
Tara V: 53:45
Yeah, absolutely. And with the quotes, I know people look for that. Look to those for inspiration. No matter what you're going through, sometimes some quotes resonate with you. And that obviously helped her in helped you. And now you guys are giving that out. So thank you for doing that. I will be a really cool project to see. But I know you also have something. I'm really excited about this because I think everybody loves clothes. You've been working on an apparel line, and you've got a killer eye for style with these designs. So I'm excited to tell us all about your apparel.
Nicholas Strand: 54:15
Yeah. So, uh, one of the ideas was ah ho. Another step from the book in the writing and being able to share that message. And what better way through apparel and, um, using that, Choose your attitude. And so we've created some shirts and a brand around that. And my hope is Stephen get more into sports and stuff and part of my journey through trying to overcome bring in his absence, Um, was me finding a hobby, and in that hobby, ah, was because I travel. Having a hobby that travels with me was difficult. Um, but the best hobby I found was working out help mentally. Um, and it was one of those things that you know you can only give yourself. Um and, uh, you have to put the effort in, and in addition to that, it gave me a strength and ah, help me, um, combat a lot of those negative energies. Um, And in doing so, I found myself living through that of that. Choose your attitude. Um, and so living through Brianna's own message, um, I was able to go to the gym. It was a hobby that didn't take me Bring in anything with me when I would travel for work. Um, so I was able to use the gyms that were local or the hotels and, um, using the apparel with the choose your attitude, uh, wearing that with such a powerful message. Um and so we created that as well. So, uh, you know, not only can you read the book to be inspired or the quotes on the fridge, but now you can bring that message home and hopefully share it with others. Um, with such a simple ah word. Ah, such a simple message yet so very strong, difficult to apply, but so true. Um, and it was one of those driving forces that I actually found myself creating it, um, and wearing and the gym to inspire myself. And that was when I want to take it to a whole nother level. Um, yeah, and be able to share it with others.
Tara V: 56:31
And sometimes we need that extra motivation in the gym, too. So everyone has to talk themselves into it. I don't care how leads of an athlete you are. Sometimes you really have to inspire yourself. So just saying to your attitude thing, I get to be here. I want to be here. You know,
Nicholas Strand: 56:45
the
Tara V: 56:45
strong, healthy mentally, physically, emotionally. So just, you know, wearing that. And I know you've worn it on your workouts, and I actually ordered my shirt not too long ago, so those should be coming in. I'm excited to wear those and tell people about choose your attitude. So you've been busy?
Nicholas Strand: 57:01
Yes, I've been busy and it's It's, um not only am I excited to share it with others, but this whole project has helped me process as well. So as I'm inspiring others in helping them, that energy is given me fire to, you know, keep productive and keep on top of this. So as I'm learning, I'm sharing what I'm learning. And so it's it's, you know, a full circle community effort. Um, which I'm excited about.
Tara V: 57:30
Yeah, that's perfect. So I know there's much more to the story. This is not the end of your story, but I guess we could just say what's next for Nicholas strands
Nicholas Strand: 57:40
and choose
Tara V: 57:40
your attitude and kind of where do you go from here?
Nicholas Strand: 57:43
Well, I definitely am going to keep this podcast going. Um, I hope to do more speaking. I definitely have. I've already got two other books planned. Um, I wish I could have put them all in this book. But, um, you know, I I had to keep, you know, things. Ah, particular, um and, you know, it was best not to shove everything into one book s Oh, there's definitely gonna be more books. I have more quotes on the fridge, ideas that that I'm working with. I had said that notebook idea. Um, I just want to kind of build. Ah, you know, this even Maur to help others in the same situations. Um uh, that life struggles that we all have and help exemplify that message that Brianna simply said as she, you know, uh, overcome her disease with so so much bravery and his heroism. And, um, you know it. What better way to you know, not forget the legacy that she left behind and constantly helped remind myself as well as others to, um, you know, uh, conquer life's struggles?
Tara V: 58:54
Yeah, and everybody goes through it so and I think it's wonderful that you're able to share her with the world on that I think should be so proud of you. And I appreciate your time and letting me flip the script on you. Turn the
Nicholas Strand: 59:05
cameras on
Tara V: 59:06
you and the bright
Nicholas Strand: 59:07
lice
Tara V: 59:07
and you know you opening up because I know it's, you know, getting comfortable with the uncomfortable on being vulnerable. And you've
Nicholas Strand: 59:13
done a
Tara V: 59:14
great job putting all this together, and we look forward to much, much more.
Nicholas Strand: 59:18
Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Terror and thank you guys for listening. Uh, thanks for joining. Remember to log on to choose your attitude dot com or directly a podcast, that cheesier attitude dot com Thanks, everybody. Thanks for listening to choose your attitude. Create your life. If you like what you just heard. We hope you'll pass along our Web address and podcast. Choose your attitude dot com to your friends and colleagues. If you have a specific topic or question, you want Nick to answer or address, or if you want to recommend someone pretty amazing to be on the show, please visit our website and leave your recommendation under our podcast page While you're there. Please leave us a positive review. Be sure to check out our archives section on a website for previous podcasts. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Join us next time for another edition of Choose Your Attitude, Create Your Life